Random Satire Exclusive--Friday afternoon, former President Donald Trump turned the tables on the FBI charging they are the ones who are completely incompetent and must be defunded.
Boasting on camera but without evidence, "I have over a thousand more documents, many labeled Top Secret, that these jerks never found, hidden away in my bunker under Mara Largo. They are the ones who should be investigated, not me. I'm completely innocent. This is a political witch hunt of the highest order. I never did anything wrong. And I thought about declassifying them, but that would make them worthless. They're mine, all mine."
Trusted long-time friend and disbarred attorney Rudy Giuliani backed him up, saying that he has seen some of these yet to be disclosed documents and vouched for their authenticity as very highly classified, indeed. At the time, he didn't think details of US nuclear assets in Europe were particularly important because the Russians probably knew about them already. After all, Trump spent plenty of time with Vladimir Putin. Giuliani quipped, "He must have told him about this stuff, right?"
A Secret Service agent standing nearby attempted to stifle his protectant, but Trump deflected the man, wanting full credit for successfully hiding the trove of classified material. Time will tell who has a job in 2025... and who is in jail.
