Almost Believable Pure Bullshit

"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!"

7 June 2023

Northeastern US States awoke to find a strong orange haze in the sky due to smoke traveling south from Canada. While the air quality made it dangerous to go outside, smokers rejoiced in $$$ saved and bodega owners complained about a precipitous drop in cigarette sales.

Senator Bernie Sanders (D-VT), wearing his signature mittens, complained via Zoom to Canadian ambassor Kirsten Hillman who quickly retorted that it was a strong vacuum in the US that caused their air to move south. Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) later proposed a wall along the border with Canada but failed to offer any way to pay for it.

Meanwhile, culinary enthusiasts took advantage of the unique opportunity presented for added flavor. When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. When Canada hands you smoke, make salmon!

Fish mongers quickly ran out of fresh stock as New Yorkers began hanging slabs of Atlantic salmon out on balconies and fire escapes to suck up the fragrant air. It didn't take long for the campfire smell to be replaced in some neighborhoods with a strong fishy odor. I recommend that you tent your salmon in mosquito netting while smoking at room temperature as flies are quickly attracted by the savory aroma.

Manhattan Office View

Salmon is easy to cook in the oven or on a grill. While being outdoors can be hazardous to your health today, in the absence of a grill pan we recommend baking it skin side down at 400°F for 15~20 minutes until the internal temperature reaches 145°F for safety. You can fillet the fish with a sharp knife to free the flesh from the skin before baking as this makes it easy to serve it off the skin after cooking.

You can brush the salmon with mayonnaise and dust it with dill weed but my favorite is to use a Carolina-style BBQ sauce. Others may prefer a dry rub with more assertive seasonings.


Site by Instafax
© 2023 - D. Kirk