Almost Believable Pure Bullshit

"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!"

3 May 2023

Washington DC--US Supreme Court justices agreed on limited ethical guidelines today in the wake of apparently questionable behavior by several members.

Under new voluntary rules, justices may report gifts and investments exceeding $1,000,000 starting with the next session which begins in early October, 2024.

Travel of over 12,500 miles may also be disclosed. Watchdogs noted the Earth has a diameter of 24,901 miles, so no point on the planet should exceed that distance from any other point unless hazardous weather or pilot error affects the trip.

Investments within retirement plans will not be subject to these guidelines, nor will travel related to the justices' work. Sales of assets acquired prior to the new rules taking effect are also exempt from disclosure.

These new guidelines were not supposed to become public knowledge but were leaked to the Washington Post this afternoon by an unknown source. The Court is now investigating the leak and suspect a mole exists within their organization.

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