Almost Believable Pure Bullshit

"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!"

23 April 2023

Tallahassee-With the potential for couples to end unexpected pregnancies through abortion, Gov Ron DeSantis today signed into law new legislation he originally called "Don't Mess with Florida" but quickly rebranded by liberals as the "Don't Fuck in Florida" bill.

The new law takes effect next month, and women must register positive pregnancy tests within 48 hours or face felony charges with up to 30 days incarceration and/or a fine if $1,000.

Failure to test for pregnancy after intercourse can result in a $100 fine the first time and $300 for subsequent offences.

Trojan Brands expected to capitalize on the opportunity to sell condoms but instead sales of their personal lubricant products soared as young couples rebelled, apparently with a huge spike of promiscuous activity before the law takes effect.

Christians rejoiced in the new legislation and will encourage copulation through date nights at churches all over the Sunshine State in coming months.

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